And We're Back!

Okay, it is July 9, should be releasing this blog in a couple of days. Got my computer back! New hard drive, with my old one cloned on it, so didn't lose anything, that's nice... gotta be a little bit careful with my USB ports so I don't jostle them; my video drivers were upgraded, and it was recommended to make sure the thing is well-ventilated, perhaps with a cooling pad. I've never heard of such a thing before, but they sure look snazzy. Microsoft Office is still a little funky and glitchy, but nothing I can't live with. As far as I can tell, it is at least faster now. We'll see what becomes of it.

Being without my computer for a little over a week left me much time alone with my thoughts... thoughts I put into my mini tape recorder! Well, it's digital, there's no tape in it. But, you know, just one of those things. I try to empty out my tape recorder every day, sort out all the various ideas into the individual documents for all the stories and projects; some of which are well-organized, others of which are currently a 50-page mish-mash of every idea I've ever had for the project with no organization, not helped by just tacking every new idea I have onto the end. One of these days I'll organize them, whenever jumping upon that particular project becomes a priority!

Anyway, like I said, I try to empty out the recorder every day. Sometimes if there are 30 messages or so, or if a lot of them are over 3 minutes long, it's a hard task to accomplish. With my computer gone, I ended up recording over 385 messages, many of which were over 10 minutes in length... over the past few days with the computer back, I have sorted through a good amount of it, including all those that are longer than 2 minutes, so I'm down to about 250 altogether, and... all short now. So, still quite a bit of climbing to do, but well on track to getting normal life back on schedule. With lots and lots of new ideas.

Sunday night now, July 11. Oh, I am well prepared to release this blog tomorrow morning. Mostly 'cause I just said everything I'm about to say in the TAPAS insider Facebook group. Guess it was insider information for, like, twelve hours, tops, hehe.

Spent this evening with Isaac in the studio, continuing to refine Better Yet? I had to substitute for our director Mason, who was in sitzprobe for Chicago - that, if you didn't know, is a long day of rehearsal in which the actors and the orchestra have a sit-down and run through all the songs together for the first time. Isaac and I listened to the whole 90-minute show, periodically stopping to make some modifications, but it didn't feel like it took that long at all. We've got a quality product here! Just that much of a delight to listen to, I guess.

After that, we discussed what we were doing next, and as it turns out, Isaac going out of town at the end of this week isn't a brief trip like the last time, he's straight-up going on tour, there'll only be small windows of time over the next couple of months where he'll be back in town and might possibly have a chance to let us into the studio. So my assumption that things could really get started up once Chicago ends its run on August 1, not gonna pan out. But that's not a problem! This means we have more time to storyboard, and to get the actors prepared for whenever it is we can do the voice-acting thing.

Also this evening, the Keys & Kingdoms storyboards reached 90% completion! I need to edit some more scenes stat, I did the first scene and the last scene and haven't had a chance to do all the rest that are finished. In the shots that were completed today, we finally see something I've been waiting to see since I created these characters: boobs! Yeah, if I haven't established yet that K&K will feature boobs, it certainly will, though... I'm beginning to rethink trying to put them on YouTube. It would just be so much of a bummer if the show was impossible for a prospective fan to just happen to stumble upon, just because boobs equals 18+ and that equals hidden. And even more of a bummer if the episodes were marked 18+ but then still deemed too inappropriate for YouTube and got deleted.

I still want to make my statement, so I'm thinking that the YouTube version will, like, censor the nudity really obnoxiously so you can't forget that you're not watching the real version of the show, and then the uncensored version will be found elsewhere. I'm not trying to be vulgar here, you know, just trying to #freethenipple. Sure, people find breasts sexually attractive, but that's also true of lips and necks and legs and any other part of a person's body you could name, why are women's nipples just as forbidden as actual sex organs? Nonsense, I say.

So... at this point, wasn't feeling like I could expect all storyboards and final character designs to be done by August 1, so, hopefully they're done in that vicinity at least. Post-Chicago we're definitely gonna get to work on writing further stages of these fantasy projects. And I'll at least start gathering up the actors and talking to them in more depth about what the heck we're doing - in the end that's probably a better idea than the current notion of getting them into the studio, like, right away.

And in the meantime, the final audio cut of Better Yet? will assuredly be done this week! And the release date, mmm, not too far in the future, I want to prepare for it and give it a bit of fanfare, but it'll be out for sure. This is very exciting, got a thing that's almost done.

Blog Train

Okay, we're back on the blog train. Got my computer back from the repair shop. The fan was dirty, it was cleaned, so it shouldn't overheat anymore. Absolutely nothing has changed about the way the computer runs. I called the repair guy and he was bewildered, he really thought cleaning the fan would fix up all the visual glitching. I guess I'll take it back to him, well, shortly after sending out this blog post.

For now we're starting this week. Today, the aforementioned trip into the recording studio to pick up those lines of Gretchen that were missed and, with Isaac back from his trip, it's back to editing the show, scene by scene.

Things happening during the time of the previous blog that I decided to save for this one. Well, Brian had to bow out. Brian LaGuardia is a composer who was recommended by a friend of mine a couple years ago. He signed on to write the music for my Drizzt Do'Urden musical. He produced like one-quarter of one song and it was very exciting, but didn't get any further. A year later, I asked him to write some songs for the Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices pilot episode. That, he did, so that was nice, with the songs I was able to continue writing and producing that pilot, and so I have been. So, I got two-and-a-quarter songs out of him in as many years before he officially bowed out a few weeks ago, just has too much to do for the rest of the year.

Why I stuck with a composer who had so little time for me, well, he was the fourth composer who signed on to TAPAS and the first who actually did anything. The first three met with me, talked about the projects, had a good time talking about it, were delivered the material to work with, never worked with it. One had the courtesy to officially bow out due to being busy like Brian did, the other two just ghosted me. It's very painful. I love music so much and want lots of it in my stories. I've gotten two and a quarter pieces of music in all the years I've been doing this. And the quarter might not count anymore, I'm confident enough now to admit it when I'm dissatisfied with a take, and I think the melody Brian composed wasn't up-tempo enough for my tastes. So I'll talk about that with... someone, whenever we get back to that Drizzt musical.

I'll have to rewrite that Drizzt musical; apart from the script being over four years old anyway, Drizzt is becoming mainstream soon, he's starring in the upcoming video game Dark Alliance and, rumor has it, a TV series. Or at least some stories narrated by Benedict Cumberbatch, something like that. All the jokes about what an obscure story it is to write a parody musical about will have to be adjusted. Heck, some of those weren't even jokes, there was a villainous breaking speech on the subject.

A few months ago, Brian brought in his friend Robert to help carry the load, and, after those months Robert is almost finished with one song, a halfling-themed background song for Irregular Fantasy! I'm very happy with it. I'm just a little nervous now about what I'm gonna do about music going forward, I have Robert but I don't think he can tackle the whole thing alone. Need some more composers. I just don't understand why I've had such ill luck with musicians, why it's so often been such a complete non-starter.

Another person who's backed out of a project recently was Emily Dozier. One of my best friends from the theatre, I was in Spamalot and She Loves Me with her and her husband, and they throw excellent cast parties. She was to play Natha Lee in The Choices, but when I was re-confirming that cast, she backed out following the tragic death of her cat. That's hard. Totally understandable. Replacing her would be a hard journey, or so I thought, but my very first idea, for Hannah, one of our fellow ensemble members from She Loves Me, worked out right away, she was all for it. And the entire cast of Irregular Fantasy! is also signed on! Still a few Choices parts needing to be confirmed. Just as I hope Brian maybe makes some room for me next year, I hope Emily rejoins TAPAS for, well, whatever the next thing is!

Anyway... I assume you wanted to hear about kitties. A litter of feral kittens were born in my grandpa's neck of the woods. Comfortable enough to get on people's porches to eat the food laid out there, but feral enough to flee at the very sight of a human. When my mom and sisters were visiting, they trapped two of the five, and... I had to save them. I took them in. They're my kitties now.

My two boys, as I learned when I took them to the vet. The yellow one is Butter, the orange one is Marmalade. Because they're yellow and orange! Butter adapted amazingly well, he likes to cuddle and play. Marmalade is still pretty afraid of me, but he's adjusting little by little. I knew from the start that I wanted two, so they'd have someone around they'd be comfortable with, not be ripped away from their entire life, and that was absolutely the best call, the tasty-on-toast brothers are definitely good for each other's health and comfort.

So, like I said, we're back to working on Better Yet? today. Based on how the editing went of the first three scenes - apart from noticing that we simply didn't have some of Gretchen's dialogue in Scene 2 we got a good rhythm going and it went very smoothly! - the whole thing should come together soon, I can't imagine anything going so wrong that we'd fail to reach our ill-defined release date of July. Just July.

Hoping to put together a Quiplash 3 game with the cast of Better Yet? for this weekend too. That'll be tons of fun. Nice little promotion.

And by the time this blog comes out, I hope to have engaged TAPAS Phase Two. You'll know it when you see it. Well, maybe not here on the blog. Not entirely sure how to redesign the blog for Phase Two. But every other place you can find TAPAS, that, that'll be all decked out for Phase Two.

So, another thing going on: final redesigns of the cast of Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices! Funny thing: most of the art for TAPAS projects thus far has been done by either Stacy Lord or Casey Gosselin, and I had the realization a few months ago that all the projects we were actually launching - Better Yet?, The Choices, and Irregular Fantasy! - were coincidentally all of those that were visually developed by Casey. But while Better Yet? will indeed feature Casey's portraits, some scheduling problems meant Stacy had to take over for first Irregular Fantasy!, then The Choices.

Anyway, the objective for the final version of The Choices characters, was to remember the massive Disney inspiration that the Keys & Kingdoms universe was supposed to have. I'm working on world-building with all the ideas I've had from watching Disney films, inject more of that atmosphere into the universe, and I also want a ton more Disney in the art style.

For example, here's the picture of Zaya and Airi which Casey did for the TAPAS Banner! I assume the TAPAS Banner will have gone public by the end of this week. If not, well, here's a preview of one-tenth of it, ya lucky blog-readin' bastards.

And here are Stacy's preliminary sketches! Experiments with adjusting her art style so we get the look we're going for. This sketch is all we have so far, but I'd say we're off to a good start. I saw this the other day, and I says to her, I says, "Those are some Disney-ass eyes. Well done."

The Irregular Fantasy redesigns were finished some time ago, not only character models but also some slick promotional renders. Those have been shown off to insiders, not going public with them until we're closer to having something to release. I have teasers for both projects boarded, hoping to unveil those teasers by September-ish? We'll see what we can do.

As for Casey, no longer having codified the art style of these two projects, well, something occurs to me. That being the launch of Whirlwind, my crew's old Dungeons & Dragons adventure, and Kingdom Butts, my long-in-the-making super-awesome Kingdom Hearts parody. I moved them up to earlier in the agenda because I think the way to tell these stories... is as books. Not real books, but books to post onto a fanfiction site, I'm thinking Archive of Our Own? Books that need maybe two illustrations per chapter, and I think Casey's style will fit a legit D&D story, as well as a Kingdom Hearts story which, unlike Keys & Kingdoms, we're trying to make look like D&D instead of Disney. Actually, I haven't mentioned this to Casey yet. I'll do that now.

As for Whirlwind, you know, we played the first story arc I had planned, we documented it, we released a pinpoint-accurate book adaptation of it onto fanfiction.net. But a D&D adventure doesn't make for a very good book, it's all ad-libbed and unstructured. So we're rewriting that first story arc, as a book, and then we'll be continuing the adventure in that way, as books. I've already told the players, now my co-writers, the broad strokes of how I intended the rest of the adventure to go, so they will no longer be surprised at every turn and will now have control of other aspects beyond what their characters do. So, you know... it's not a legit D&D adventure anymore, but it's still an honest collaboration set in a D&D universe.

Okay, it's another day. I cancelled the Quiplash plan. Maybe another week. I'm just feeling too overwhelmed for it right now. Part of it was the stress of trying to make sure there would be exactly six players, as Quiplash 3 has a pretty lackluster ending if you don't have an even number of players, and it's pretty dull all around if you have only four. Maybe I should buy Drawful 2 instead. It's a standalone, not in any of the Party Packs, and it's a classic. And it'll work just fine with five people. Most of the games do, I just really wanted to break into Party Pack 7 for the first time; Quiplash 3 looks really good, but again, only if you have an even number of players.

But we've done the thing, we got into the studio to get Gretchen's lines and we made some plans! Mason, Isaac, and myself will gather in the last few two days of June to continue editing the show now that we definitely probably have all the dialogue. Isaac hopes to refine everything by July 17, as he's going on another trip after that. And right now, several of my cast members, Mason included, are entangled in QCT's production of Chicago, which was in the middle of production when the pandemic hit. So that'll take a lot of effort! But it ends its run on August 1, and... I think Isaac will be back from his trip around then? Not sure. But anyway... surely all the storyboards will be done by August 1! Then we can jump right into recording for the Choices pilot and the Irregular Fantasy teaser. Hmm, my aim to release the teasers by late September (for my birthday!), that's probably too soon to hope for with this plan, but that's totally okay! We have forward momentum and it's awesome.

But what this means right now is that Better Yet? will almost certainly make its "just July" release date, so that's cool. Sadly, the trailer doesn't seem to have spread as far as the simple promo image did, but again... that's okay. We'll do the real promotion when the actual show is released. Oh, and also hopefully in there we can edit all of Aramie's dialogue in the first Choices teaser; she hosts that alone, we have it all storyboarded, so it'll be cool to have a complete story reel of dat.

It is now Sunday morning and I have just discussed all these upcoming plans with the insiders. Gotta admit, the notion of Better Yet? almost being finished is kind of making me depressed. That's natural when a project is ending, you know, and that's never really happened with a TAPAS project before. Finishing an art project, as they say, is like getting fired and having to find another job, and so being a freelancer is like that happening every week or so. The depression I've gone into after the end of every stage play I've been in, that was hard... didn't have anything else going on in my life at the time. Fortunately, I do know what's coming up next for me, as you've gathered from all of the Keys & Kingdoms and Irregular Fantasy stuff I've been discussing. As difficult as that will be, more so than Better Yet? was, it'll be something to strive for that's going... rather well. And, you know, I should savor the existence of Better Yet? before rushing into the next thing. We want to get people talking about that for as long as possible.

Still Sunday morning! Finished recording Podcast #52 yesterday, so it'll be released this evening for sure, this blog will be released after I've switched everything over to Phase Two. Very exciting. Here, let me show you what the blog looks like right now:

Just a default Blogspot look-and-feel. It'll probably still look like this after this post is published, but I for sure want to try and customize it in some way in the future. I'll work on that.

So, okay, Monday morning, posting the blog momentarily. Everything does indeed now have the Phase Two veneer on it, the new logos, the banner. Everything except the blog, anyway. I wonder if I can put the banner up as a header image for the blog? I'll try later. If not, I'm referring to this baby:

The Phase Two TAPAS banner, headlining all our social media presence from now on. The stars of nine of our original IPs, here to tantalize the audience about what their stories might be about when we unveil them in the future! Directly to the left of the logo you'll see Trent, drawn by Casey Gosselin for Mason Ellison's Better Yet? - you'll meet him very soon. Front and center are Airi and Zaya, they should be making their debut not too long after. Everyone else? We'll see.

Heard back from David Morgan-Mar this morning, he's looked over my material, he's looking forward to seeing what comes next for Irregular Fantasy. If all goes well that'll start popping up at about the same time as the Keys & Kingdoms stuff, I'm thinking of them as sister series even though there's no formal connection beyond, I suppose, both using the same RPG rules system which I... still haven't formulated. Might behoove me to figure out exactly what magic is capable of in the multiverse of the still-nameless Tapas RPG before getting too far into stories set there.

Last night, I found my computer could no longer read any USB device I inserted into it. So... couldn't have a videoconference or record my voice or even back up what files were changed since my last trip to the computer repair shop. That was kind of infuriating... but I just counted my blessings that I got the podcast recorded before that, got it done. Added it to the list, my full-page list of computer problems to resolve. Might end up being cheaper to just get a new laptop, in which case... I don't know what I'll do.

But I don't want to end this on a sad note! It's Phase Two. There's a whole world of possibilities ahead of us.

Coming Back Swinging

We started editing Better Yet? this week. Doing it sequentially, got three scenes in. Discovered that we never recorded some of Gretchen's dialogue in Scene 2, so... that'll be something to do later. As far as the release date for Better Yet?, we had one in mind, but the one we'll be officially announcing is "July". Just July. So if it's late July, you can't get mad. That'll be announced by the trailer, which if all goes well you'll have seen by the time this blog comes out.

My mom and sisters should be in town right about now. Eager to spend some time with them, but today, first things first - we've got one shot to get my sisters into the recording studio to do their part, all of Airi's and Zaya's dialogue in the pilot for The Choices and the two teasers which precede it. I guess if the series continues we'll have to find a recording studio where they are, and work with them remotely from there. Happens all the time in indie animation, especially these very indie (and very covid) days we're living in. Surely can't be too difficult. Regardless, not a matter to think about until the very far future.

And after this week, well, no studio stuff for a while. Isaac, our audio guy, he's going on a trip for a couple of weeks. So we'll be back to editing Better Yet?, including getting Gretchen in to fill in her missing dialogue, the week of the 20th. I haven't talked about Isaac yet, I don't think; he put together a little music studio in Quincy not long ago, I found him through a friend who directed me to the music shop, who directed me to Isaac, and he has been very receptive to helping TAPAS out with our not-necessarily-musical schemes, he just appreciates art of all sorts.

A picture Isaac took of the last recording session.

Left to right: Randy Wolfmeyer as Gary, Gretchen Wolfmeyer as Jodie,

Sage Mann (me!) as Trent, Adrienne Fisk as Corrine, and Mason Ellison as Ryan.

The big family dinner scene gone horribly wrong is the show's very complex dramatic climax, and as such it's been a sticking point for Mason, our writer/director. It was the last scene to get out of rewrites, the last scene to get out of rehearsals, and the last scene we recorded, which even went on a little bit longer as Mason decided that, to get the good performances we needed, all five actors should be present for the actual dinner part. For every other scene with more than two characters in it, we recorded only one or two actors at a time, and this was the only scene with five characters in it. So we brought together the whole cast except Jerilyn, who is sort of a featured player, being my character's therapist, appearing only in two brief scenes.

Only, it's not the last scene recorded anymore, 'cause yeah, when Gretchen and Randy were recording the first scene they're in, it seems we completely forgot to get Gretchen's lines from after Randy's character exits the scene. Makes sense to me! That'll happen. We'll get it next time.

Been showing off a lot of stuff in private, insiders-only locations. Suffice to say we're definitely ready, after Better Yet? is done, to move on to The Choices and Irregular Fantasy! - hopefully not leaving Better Yet? in the dust as we do so, I'm sure it'll have time to experience some glory - and Mason expressed to me how overwhelmingly exciting it is to be moving forward and almost having stuff to share with people. I agreed, especially since I'd been planning to have all this stuff happen around this time last year. It's better this way, you know, not only do we have last year's disappointments to make this year's successes even more exciting, mistakes we've learned from to make things easier going forward... and it really wouldn't have worked as well last year; no vaccines, not many safe ways to get this stuff done. I think things are going just as they were meant to. Now we can have a wrap party!

So, back to work on the 20th, and we know what we're doing from there, having edited the first three scenes, figured out what it's like to edit scenes, so once we're back to work on it... July. Just July.

Good to have a little more time! More time to get Phase One finished, more time to get my laptop repaired, very much nice to have a deadline that's not freaking me out. I mean, we'll see how things end up when I find out how much time and money it'll take to get my hardware fixed, that might freak me out, but for now I'm good, time is on our side.

Another day now. My sisters have done their parts, that was really amazing. They're not experienced performers, and they were very nervous. Getting true intensity out of them was hard, but they still had some great standout moments. I'm hoping the story progresses and we get to see them grow and gain experience.

Apart from taking advantage of that little window of time with my sisters, we'll then be finishing up Better Yet? before we move on to anything else. That being said, a pretty major lull in the action is coming up for TAPAS; Isaac's going on vacation, so the editing of Better Yet? will be on hold for a couple of weeks, and I'm taking in my computer for repairs, so that'll slow things down until it's repaired. Which might take just a day, or might be several weeks, don't know. I just know a few bits of hardware need replacin'. I'll find out on Tuesday. Me without my laptop represents a massive lifestyle change, so I'm bracing myself for it being a long-term deal just in case.

So for now, taking a break. I think we'll have one big Zoom meeting about the future of Irregular Fantasy! before going on that lull. And hopefully I'll get the latest podcast done by then.

And... just did that, the meeting about Irregular Fantasy! I brought Mason into my usual Sunday meeting with Naty and Kenzie, and the four of us together read all the scripts, took some notes. Not a lot of notes, but at least we all know the big picture now for when it's time to properly write and design that stuff.

Funny thing, in reassembling the casts, everyone who didn't get back to me pretty much instantly, still hasn't gotten back to me. Heh, all or nothing, for some reason. I'll have to figure out some non-naggy ways to establish contact with everyone I still need. Well, I don't "need" them, if they tell me no I'll figure something out. But, you know, still gonna do all I can to get as much of last year's cast as possible.

Also kitties. I have tiny kitties now. More on that later, I put a few things on hold to discuss in the next blog. If my computer repair doesn't take very long, you'll see that at the usual time next week, if not... you'll see it when you see it. Cheers, all.

End of May

Well, I can't say that nobody reads the blog anymore. I'll miss the running gag, but having engagement is, obviously, so much better. Thank you for your time. Keep it up if you can.

My mom told me I should have taken a more positive approach. I try to do that. Buuut, people only stop ignoring me when I hit rock bottom and act pathetic. I don't mean to manipulate people like that, but, I always talk about the way I feel, and when I feel pathetic, it works. Hopefully I won't be feeling that way much anymore! Things are getting productive around here. We have material and we'll be taking action and hopefully it's all worthy of notice.

So, let's see, let's try to get back to this whole deal where I blog every day and post on Monday! It's Monday now, but the previous blog was posted on Friday, so we can wait. So, yeah, let's try to keep that in mind, anytime something TAPAS happens, that isn't a secret, I ought to talk about it.

TAPAS Phase Two approaches! Specifically, I want Better Yet? to be released with the improved veneer of Phase Two, so I have to finish things up as quickly as I can -- Podcasts 51 and 52, plus a few other things I think should be released while it's still Phase One; the last few Little Mermaid retrospectives, some Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator videos I made with Aramie ages ago, and the "Possessions" videos, about my apartment and everything in it, also filmed months ago, but motivation to edit just never came to me.

When Podcast 52 comes out, well, you'll know Phase Two when you see it, the entire look of TAPAS will change, you'll see stuff I've been holding back, saving for the milestone. And I hope that milestone arrives in just three weeks. Wish me luck...

Having some computer problems lately. Hardware getting older... I'm waiting until a milestone comes, namely the Better Yet? trailer, before I take it in to the shop. Hope I can afford to get it all fixed and that it doesn't take too long, so I can continue creating and releasing in not too long. And in addition to that, my video-editing software had an upgrade that took some adjusting to and is accompanied by some audio glitches they're working on fixing. Figured it out, mostly, but it requires me to be a bit more vigilant about videos coming together smoothly. I'd say that's a positive.

We've just cut a raw version of the trailer for Better Yet? That'll be out next Friday if all goes well. That was fun, picking out lines from the show, and... setting the mood.

I've reached out to the casts of Irregular Fantasy! and Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices, assembled long ago, hoping to reassemble them shortly. A handful haven't gotten back to me yet, but most have, and every one who's answered has given a very enthusiastic yes.

I also gave David Morgan-Mar a big portfolio of all Irregular Fantasy! material thus far. He wanted me to fill him in on precisely what it is we do around here, and I told him, you know, just some creative types... not in any professional or career capacity... just wanting to make stuff that people see. I'm sure he understands, you know, he started out by pointing his webcam at his hand-painted D&D miniatures and hasn't changed that setup very much in the past eighteen years. I'm sure he understands humble beginnings. Though, yes, I am rather nervous about him pulling the plug... I've put so much work and genuine passion into Irregular Fantasy! At this point it's the story I want to tell most, but... that's probably because the characters came pre-made, so it was easier to conceive of ideas. It's his property. And right now, he says he has to give it some thought. I am anxious beyond all reason. Just have to trust that things will go well.

Monday again now! This week, we're editing Better Yet? itself, assuming the trailer is finished promptly. And my mom and sisters are coming by for a visit, squeezing in a recording session for my sisters' dialogue in The Choices pilot and teasers. Meep, having two things going on at once like that and such small windows of time to get them done, that's crazy overwhelming. Planning it all out today is... physically heating my head, that's a new one.

May Blog!!!

Well, gosh, it's been over a month since I started writing a blog post. Not sure why, so much has gotten me going lately. Better Yet? is nearly all recorded; we have one scene left to do and then we have plans for the release of a trailer, which will include the release date of the show itself.

Hmm, with things being so ready to release, it feels not quite right to leak anything in the blog. Suffice it to say, projects are picking up speed enough that I almost feel comfortable starting to move forward before steps are altogether finished. I've been cautious about that for the past year, but... things are goin'.

Yeah, I've been playing my cards close to my chest for the past year or so with TAPAS, because, well, I've often made big grandiose claims of what I'm working on and they've never really panned out. But those things are getting done now. I don't think I should publicly talk about them more than I have been, but definitely I can open up the team a bit more, let them see everything that's going on so they're not feeling so alone.

Here's a little something I do feel worth sharing, another storyboard frame from the Irregular Fantasy! teaser, being boarded by Sadie. I was going to present this reel to David Morgan-Mar when it was done, but it's taking a while. So instead I'll touch base with David once the character designs are done, which they almost are. Didn't anticipate the character design being done faster than the boards, but life has a way of surprising you. Fingers crossed on David actually approving of all this stuff.

I've discovered as of late, that a lot of things are endemic among the TAPAS crew. Being scatterbrained, mostly. But also struggling with motivation to create art. Finishing college and struggling with job-hunting. Family being judgmental of artistic pursuits. I've heard of it from all directions and... yeah, like I said, bringing the team together a bit more, no longer bouncing one-on-one with them so much, a whole lot more working together and engaging in mutual support? I think it's about that time.

Another classic storyboard from just last night, hehe, this one a Choices board from Naty. The Choices storyboards are over 80% finished now. Pretty much everything... except the works assigned to one artist in particular. Someone whom I'm just going to have to try to nurture and care for, 'cause they're sure as hell not quitting, but... all the same, they're not really doing it either, so we'll just have to see what kind of solution can be concocted.

My mom and sisters come to visit in a couple of weeks, just the first few days of June, and with that small window, well, I figured I might as well record their dialogue for that Choices pilot whether it's ready for them or not. And it that case, well, may as well move forward with everything else. Yesss, today's blog is all about opening up about what all the plans are.

I spoke today with my employment counselor, our first real meeting. It was a difficult thing to figure out. Strengths, skills, abilities? Me? None that I'm aware of. A job I'm capable of doing? I can't conceive of such a thing. Not being negative, I legitimately do not know of any job I can do... to be specific, anything I can emotionally cope with doing. I've succeeded at a few things, but not without being in a constant state of an emotional breakdown... so in my mind, I didn't succeed, I didn't get out alive.

My counselor made a lot of points rather similar to things my mom has told me in the past, one being the question of if I'd be so mean to a friend of mine if they were struggling the way I was. If I'd consider other people useless as I consider myself, get as angry as I get at myself. Well, I have gotten angry at other people over the glacier-slow schedule TAPAS keeps, but no, I could never possibly be as angry at someone else for that as I am at myself. I don't just get mad at myself on a daily basis for failing to achieve the day's goals... I outright hate myself. Always have, ever since I was a precocious toddler, and my politeness and scientific literacy just made people laugh. That hurt. And I've never stopped hurting.

See, I've been convinced from a young age that of all the people in the world, surely there's not one out there who matches me for dysfunction, lack of motivation, social inadequacy, inability to cope. So I expect so much better out of everyone else in the world. And faced with proof that other people struggle just as much as I do? That emotionally wrecked me, because my view of the whole world was shattered. I resented realizing that the rest of the world isn't better than me, that they couldn't fix my flaws and elevate me. If I'm not the least resilient person on earth, if I'm normal, what hope is there for humanity?

But hey, quite a bit of the above are themes of Better Yet?, definitely keep an eye out for that show, it's damn good. I know it's good because not once have I thought that the fact that I'm starring in it has doomed it to failure. Even I could make the material good.

Well, I mean, that's not really a thought that I would have, I've always been pretty sure that I'm a good actor. Good writer? Not on demand or from any sort of prompt, but I think so. And I'm always where I need to be on time, and I can navigate an airport. These are things about me that impress other people. I don't really get it, for me it's how can I not show up on time? And it's not like I'm any good at the job once I get there. So I don't impress myself, and more to the point, that is everything I'm good at, and you don't get paid for any of that unless you strike gold. And I've come to see other good aspects, like that I always finish what I start and that I always tell the truth, as vices, because depression now means finishing a project takes years longer than it did when I was a kid... and valuing honesty? To get ahead in this world you have to spread bullshit, and I can't bring myself to do that.

So, er, that was a bit of a tangent, I didn't mean to really go off on my insecurities in so much detail. The point is, you know... TAPAS was never meant as this big "me" thing where I boss everyone around. It was to bring people together from all corners of my life and bond with them while being creative, something most of the people I love are all about.

It hasn't been that easy. Art is hard enough when it's yours. Doing the work on someone else's art, that's stressful, and we have indeed gone through a lot of stress in the past year. Doesn't help that I have a lot of trouble explaining my art. After being told a few too many times that no one cares, actually trying to explain my stories and characters instantly sends me into defensive panic mode; I can never finish telling it before I shut down. And now, with progress actually being made, I've been keeping most of it just between me and the individual artists, because as I said earlier, I'm scared now of making grand claims lest I once again hit a massive wall, fade away, and end up looking like a deluded fool who dreamt too big.

But now, now it's getting done, and I think it's time to start spreading that news and development throughout the whole team, letting all the insiders know... you are not alone. Those of you reading this blog who aren't insiders, well, no one reads this blog, so, never mind, my statement here is, the blog will stay the same. But I'm going to try to make the TAPAS Insiders communities on Discord and Facebook.... I was going to say "lively again", but they've never been lively, they've generally been little more than me speaking into the void, but I will try to make them a living, intimate place. Where we can create.

Nailing It

Didn't have a blog post for last Monday, the 12th... but that's okay! We had good stuff going on last week, though weirdly, it's already Sunday the 18th by the time I start writing this, been meaning to get around to it for a while, but, heh, sometimes things happen and you squeeze in at the last minute.

The first big breakthrough from last week is another milestone hit on the Choices storyboards. Today was our second goal, once again we didn't hit it, but we did hit the 75% mark. Our third goal is May 30, six weeks away, and I have confidence, I've set up a game plan, I think we can finally finish the whole pilot by that point. So I'm very excited about that! I think I'll display a few boards again! Not necessarily new boards, just a selection of those I haven't displayed yet, to celebrate the milestone.

Boards by all five board artists! Top to bottom: Sadie Allen, McKenzie Eby,

Casey Gosselin, Michelle Jenfjord, and Nathalie Jenfjord.

So, we've got goals set for that; also working hard on Irregular Fantasy! Doing a quick redesign of the characters and making a teaser. Also need character redesigns and a teaser for The Choices, as well, hoping to kind of make these two ideas sort of "sister series"... to release two teasers, an Indiegogo campaign to fund them both, and then the two pilots in, well, their own time. As fast as we can. Guess we'll get an estimate on that while putting the teasers together, which I think can maybe be done purely "in-house", no need to discover some new freelancers until the pilots truly begin production... we'll find out.

The Crown of Power and the ten Soul Gems,

from a board of the Irregular Fantasy! teaser,

drawn by Sadie Allen.

Directing these things is pretty stressful, you know. I do very little of the physical drawing myself, but the directing... the constant correcting and adjusting of what other people do... with my social anxiety, I don't have the emotional fortitude for it, yo. I like to think I have the conviction to make sure my projects come out well, but I'm constantly convinced I'm making people hate me. I don't know how I'm gonna do it to actors right to their face.

As for Better Yet?, well, I do believe that starts tomorrow! We'll be heading into the studio tomorrow evening to start recording the dialogue. Scene by scene, working in pairs; how long it'll take to get every scene recorded remains to be seen, but after tomorrow we have another four sessions lined up for next week which should have us a little over halfway done with the show, recording-wise. After that, I'm not sure, but it's exciting...

BY announced

First blog of April 2021 comin' up. First thing to mention, we've officially announced Better Yet?

Decided to whip out the announcement because, well, it's time! We're scheduling one final round of rehearsals for the fourth draft of the show, and we're knocking out most of that this week. So by the time this blog is posted, it will have been knocked out, final readings of, well, every scene that Gary's not in, Randy's a busy guy and we haven't pinned him down yet.

Mason says he's satisfied with most of the script except for the big climactic dinner scene; so our reading of that one may result in a few changes and another read. Whenever we're through with that, we're hitting the recording studio!

A few, eh, sticks in the spokes have also hit production on The Choices. Casey needs some mental health time, so she's backed out from those character redesigns I talked about last week just before she started. That's okay for now, we are continuing to see delays in the storyboarding process... we'll see where those stand at the end of May. After boarding, we also want to do as much of the voice acting as possible before swapping out the boards for the real deal... all the same, those designs should probably be ready well before then, since there's a lot of other stuff to design in the pilot episode apart from the main characters... eh, I'm probably getting anxious over nothing, I have no idea how soon we'll actually need those redone character designs and I'm certainly not going to try to force Casey out of a mental health break for them, so we'll take that as it comes.

Casey did mention her experiments with adapting to the Disneyesque art style... I haven't seen them yet, but it sounds like a really cool thing to show off as a bonus feature sometime.

So that was Monday. It's Wednesday now; we've scheduled readings of every scene in Better Yet? for this week, yesterday we did all of Dr. Albarn's scenes, today it's all of Jodie and Gary's scenes, and on Friday it's what remains of Corrine's scenes. Next week (by which I mean this week, since this blog will post on Monday) we dive into the aforementioned climactic dinner scene, so we anticipate hitting the recording studio the week after that.

And Monday again! Last rehearsal, we ended up having a great conversation well into the night about politics and projects and pandemic struggles, I very much enjoyed it. It got me thinking, you know, I really need to do regular socializing more, not quite so constantly working toward getting the next project done. I need mental health breaks too.

So, ready to head out and see what awaits. In life, not just in the TAPAS world.