End of May

Well, I can't say that nobody reads the blog anymore. I'll miss the running gag, but having engagement is, obviously, so much better. Thank you for your time. Keep it up if you can.

My mom told me I should have taken a more positive approach. I try to do that. Buuut, people only stop ignoring me when I hit rock bottom and act pathetic. I don't mean to manipulate people like that, but, I always talk about the way I feel, and when I feel pathetic, it works. Hopefully I won't be feeling that way much anymore! Things are getting productive around here. We have material and we'll be taking action and hopefully it's all worthy of notice.

So, let's see, let's try to get back to this whole deal where I blog every day and post on Monday! It's Monday now, but the previous blog was posted on Friday, so we can wait. So, yeah, let's try to keep that in mind, anytime something TAPAS happens, that isn't a secret, I ought to talk about it.

TAPAS Phase Two approaches! Specifically, I want Better Yet? to be released with the improved veneer of Phase Two, so I have to finish things up as quickly as I can -- Podcasts 51 and 52, plus a few other things I think should be released while it's still Phase One; the last few Little Mermaid retrospectives, some Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator videos I made with Aramie ages ago, and the "Possessions" videos, about my apartment and everything in it, also filmed months ago, but motivation to edit just never came to me.

When Podcast 52 comes out, well, you'll know Phase Two when you see it, the entire look of TAPAS will change, you'll see stuff I've been holding back, saving for the milestone. And I hope that milestone arrives in just three weeks. Wish me luck...

Having some computer problems lately. Hardware getting older... I'm waiting until a milestone comes, namely the Better Yet? trailer, before I take it in to the shop. Hope I can afford to get it all fixed and that it doesn't take too long, so I can continue creating and releasing in not too long. And in addition to that, my video-editing software had an upgrade that took some adjusting to and is accompanied by some audio glitches they're working on fixing. Figured it out, mostly, but it requires me to be a bit more vigilant about videos coming together smoothly. I'd say that's a positive.

We've just cut a raw version of the trailer for Better Yet? That'll be out next Friday if all goes well. That was fun, picking out lines from the show, and... setting the mood.

I've reached out to the casts of Irregular Fantasy! and Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices, assembled long ago, hoping to reassemble them shortly. A handful haven't gotten back to me yet, but most have, and every one who's answered has given a very enthusiastic yes.

I also gave David Morgan-Mar a big portfolio of all Irregular Fantasy! material thus far. He wanted me to fill him in on precisely what it is we do around here, and I told him, you know, just some creative types... not in any professional or career capacity... just wanting to make stuff that people see. I'm sure he understands, you know, he started out by pointing his webcam at his hand-painted D&D miniatures and hasn't changed that setup very much in the past eighteen years. I'm sure he understands humble beginnings. Though, yes, I am rather nervous about him pulling the plug... I've put so much work and genuine passion into Irregular Fantasy! At this point it's the story I want to tell most, but... that's probably because the characters came pre-made, so it was easier to conceive of ideas. It's his property. And right now, he says he has to give it some thought. I am anxious beyond all reason. Just have to trust that things will go well.

Monday again now! This week, we're editing Better Yet? itself, assuming the trailer is finished promptly. And my mom and sisters are coming by for a visit, squeezing in a recording session for my sisters' dialogue in The Choices pilot and teasers. Meep, having two things going on at once like that and such small windows of time to get them done, that's crazy overwhelming. Planning it all out today is... physically heating my head, that's a new one.

May Blog!!!

Well, gosh, it's been over a month since I started writing a blog post. Not sure why, so much has gotten me going lately. Better Yet? is nearly all recorded; we have one scene left to do and then we have plans for the release of a trailer, which will include the release date of the show itself.

Hmm, with things being so ready to release, it feels not quite right to leak anything in the blog. Suffice it to say, projects are picking up speed enough that I almost feel comfortable starting to move forward before steps are altogether finished. I've been cautious about that for the past year, but... things are goin'.

Yeah, I've been playing my cards close to my chest for the past year or so with TAPAS, because, well, I've often made big grandiose claims of what I'm working on and they've never really panned out. But those things are getting done now. I don't think I should publicly talk about them more than I have been, but definitely I can open up the team a bit more, let them see everything that's going on so they're not feeling so alone.

Here's a little something I do feel worth sharing, another storyboard frame from the Irregular Fantasy! teaser, being boarded by Sadie. I was going to present this reel to David Morgan-Mar when it was done, but it's taking a while. So instead I'll touch base with David once the character designs are done, which they almost are. Didn't anticipate the character design being done faster than the boards, but life has a way of surprising you. Fingers crossed on David actually approving of all this stuff.

I've discovered as of late, that a lot of things are endemic among the TAPAS crew. Being scatterbrained, mostly. But also struggling with motivation to create art. Finishing college and struggling with job-hunting. Family being judgmental of artistic pursuits. I've heard of it from all directions and... yeah, like I said, bringing the team together a bit more, no longer bouncing one-on-one with them so much, a whole lot more working together and engaging in mutual support? I think it's about that time.

Another classic storyboard from just last night, hehe, this one a Choices board from Naty. The Choices storyboards are over 80% finished now. Pretty much everything... except the works assigned to one artist in particular. Someone whom I'm just going to have to try to nurture and care for, 'cause they're sure as hell not quitting, but... all the same, they're not really doing it either, so we'll just have to see what kind of solution can be concocted.

My mom and sisters come to visit in a couple of weeks, just the first few days of June, and with that small window, well, I figured I might as well record their dialogue for that Choices pilot whether it's ready for them or not. And it that case, well, may as well move forward with everything else. Yesss, today's blog is all about opening up about what all the plans are.

I spoke today with my employment counselor, our first real meeting. It was a difficult thing to figure out. Strengths, skills, abilities? Me? None that I'm aware of. A job I'm capable of doing? I can't conceive of such a thing. Not being negative, I legitimately do not know of any job I can do... to be specific, anything I can emotionally cope with doing. I've succeeded at a few things, but not without being in a constant state of an emotional breakdown... so in my mind, I didn't succeed, I didn't get out alive.

My counselor made a lot of points rather similar to things my mom has told me in the past, one being the question of if I'd be so mean to a friend of mine if they were struggling the way I was. If I'd consider other people useless as I consider myself, get as angry as I get at myself. Well, I have gotten angry at other people over the glacier-slow schedule TAPAS keeps, but no, I could never possibly be as angry at someone else for that as I am at myself. I don't just get mad at myself on a daily basis for failing to achieve the day's goals... I outright hate myself. Always have, ever since I was a precocious toddler, and my politeness and scientific literacy just made people laugh. That hurt. And I've never stopped hurting.

See, I've been convinced from a young age that of all the people in the world, surely there's not one out there who matches me for dysfunction, lack of motivation, social inadequacy, inability to cope. So I expect so much better out of everyone else in the world. And faced with proof that other people struggle just as much as I do? That emotionally wrecked me, because my view of the whole world was shattered. I resented realizing that the rest of the world isn't better than me, that they couldn't fix my flaws and elevate me. If I'm not the least resilient person on earth, if I'm normal, what hope is there for humanity?

But hey, quite a bit of the above are themes of Better Yet?, definitely keep an eye out for that show, it's damn good. I know it's good because not once have I thought that the fact that I'm starring in it has doomed it to failure. Even I could make the material good.

Well, I mean, that's not really a thought that I would have, I've always been pretty sure that I'm a good actor. Good writer? Not on demand or from any sort of prompt, but I think so. And I'm always where I need to be on time, and I can navigate an airport. These are things about me that impress other people. I don't really get it, for me it's how can I not show up on time? And it's not like I'm any good at the job once I get there. So I don't impress myself, and more to the point, that is everything I'm good at, and you don't get paid for any of that unless you strike gold. And I've come to see other good aspects, like that I always finish what I start and that I always tell the truth, as vices, because depression now means finishing a project takes years longer than it did when I was a kid... and valuing honesty? To get ahead in this world you have to spread bullshit, and I can't bring myself to do that.

So, er, that was a bit of a tangent, I didn't mean to really go off on my insecurities in so much detail. The point is, you know... TAPAS was never meant as this big "me" thing where I boss everyone around. It was to bring people together from all corners of my life and bond with them while being creative, something most of the people I love are all about.

It hasn't been that easy. Art is hard enough when it's yours. Doing the work on someone else's art, that's stressful, and we have indeed gone through a lot of stress in the past year. Doesn't help that I have a lot of trouble explaining my art. After being told a few too many times that no one cares, actually trying to explain my stories and characters instantly sends me into defensive panic mode; I can never finish telling it before I shut down. And now, with progress actually being made, I've been keeping most of it just between me and the individual artists, because as I said earlier, I'm scared now of making grand claims lest I once again hit a massive wall, fade away, and end up looking like a deluded fool who dreamt too big.

But now, now it's getting done, and I think it's time to start spreading that news and development throughout the whole team, letting all the insiders know... you are not alone. Those of you reading this blog who aren't insiders, well, no one reads this blog, so, never mind, my statement here is, the blog will stay the same. But I'm going to try to make the TAPAS Insiders communities on Discord and Facebook.... I was going to say "lively again", but they've never been lively, they've generally been little more than me speaking into the void, but I will try to make them a living, intimate place. Where we can create.

Nailing It

Didn't have a blog post for last Monday, the 12th... but that's okay! We had good stuff going on last week, though weirdly, it's already Sunday the 18th by the time I start writing this, been meaning to get around to it for a while, but, heh, sometimes things happen and you squeeze in at the last minute.

The first big breakthrough from last week is another milestone hit on the Choices storyboards. Today was our second goal, once again we didn't hit it, but we did hit the 75% mark. Our third goal is May 30, six weeks away, and I have confidence, I've set up a game plan, I think we can finally finish the whole pilot by that point. So I'm very excited about that! I think I'll display a few boards again! Not necessarily new boards, just a selection of those I haven't displayed yet, to celebrate the milestone.

Boards by all five board artists! Top to bottom: Sadie Allen, McKenzie Eby,

Casey Gosselin, Michelle Jenfjord, and Nathalie Jenfjord.

So, we've got goals set for that; also working hard on Irregular Fantasy! Doing a quick redesign of the characters and making a teaser. Also need character redesigns and a teaser for The Choices, as well, hoping to kind of make these two ideas sort of "sister series"... to release two teasers, an Indiegogo campaign to fund them both, and then the two pilots in, well, their own time. As fast as we can. Guess we'll get an estimate on that while putting the teasers together, which I think can maybe be done purely "in-house", no need to discover some new freelancers until the pilots truly begin production... we'll find out.

The Crown of Power and the ten Soul Gems,

from a board of the Irregular Fantasy! teaser,

drawn by Sadie Allen.

Directing these things is pretty stressful, you know. I do very little of the physical drawing myself, but the directing... the constant correcting and adjusting of what other people do... with my social anxiety, I don't have the emotional fortitude for it, yo. I like to think I have the conviction to make sure my projects come out well, but I'm constantly convinced I'm making people hate me. I don't know how I'm gonna do it to actors right to their face.

As for Better Yet?, well, I do believe that starts tomorrow! We'll be heading into the studio tomorrow evening to start recording the dialogue. Scene by scene, working in pairs; how long it'll take to get every scene recorded remains to be seen, but after tomorrow we have another four sessions lined up for next week which should have us a little over halfway done with the show, recording-wise. After that, I'm not sure, but it's exciting...

BY announced

First blog of April 2021 comin' up. First thing to mention, we've officially announced Better Yet?

Decided to whip out the announcement because, well, it's time! We're scheduling one final round of rehearsals for the fourth draft of the show, and we're knocking out most of that this week. So by the time this blog is posted, it will have been knocked out, final readings of, well, every scene that Gary's not in, Randy's a busy guy and we haven't pinned him down yet.

Mason says he's satisfied with most of the script except for the big climactic dinner scene; so our reading of that one may result in a few changes and another read. Whenever we're through with that, we're hitting the recording studio!

A few, eh, sticks in the spokes have also hit production on The Choices. Casey needs some mental health time, so she's backed out from those character redesigns I talked about last week just before she started. That's okay for now, we are continuing to see delays in the storyboarding process... we'll see where those stand at the end of May. After boarding, we also want to do as much of the voice acting as possible before swapping out the boards for the real deal... all the same, those designs should probably be ready well before then, since there's a lot of other stuff to design in the pilot episode apart from the main characters... eh, I'm probably getting anxious over nothing, I have no idea how soon we'll actually need those redone character designs and I'm certainly not going to try to force Casey out of a mental health break for them, so we'll take that as it comes.

Casey did mention her experiments with adapting to the Disneyesque art style... I haven't seen them yet, but it sounds like a really cool thing to show off as a bonus feature sometime.

So that was Monday. It's Wednesday now; we've scheduled readings of every scene in Better Yet? for this week, yesterday we did all of Dr. Albarn's scenes, today it's all of Jodie and Gary's scenes, and on Friday it's what remains of Corrine's scenes. Next week (by which I mean this week, since this blog will post on Monday) we dive into the aforementioned climactic dinner scene, so we anticipate hitting the recording studio the week after that.

And Monday again! Last rehearsal, we ended up having a great conversation well into the night about politics and projects and pandemic struggles, I very much enjoyed it. It got me thinking, you know, I really need to do regular socializing more, not quite so constantly working toward getting the next project done. I need mental health breaks too.

So, ready to head out and see what awaits. In life, not just in the TAPAS world.

Milestones

Didn't have a post last week. It's Tuesday the 23rd as I write this, so the day after a blog post might have normally premiered. Just nothing to report last week, but today, you know, a few points of interest!

Did my shopping for today! Started by walking a few blocks to the dollar store to pick up some soap before I run out, then came back to do all the shopping I had to do on my own street: got a cooking pot at the thrift store so I could heat water for my tea, stopped at the local popcorn shop again to get more popcorn and soda, and finished up at the tea shop, right there on the first floor of my building, to pick up some honey for my tea, now that I can actually make the tea I bought there a couple of weeks ago. Nice herbal stuff for my throat so I can keep performing!

Sebastian was very mad at me when I got back. The old doggo doesn't like it when I leave him alone in the apartment. He barked at me until I took him on another walk. So, successful shopping trip, everything I've wanted to gather for a while. Certainly enough crossing streets and talking to people to make me have to take a few weeks to recover...

In other news, the storyboards for the pilot episode of The Choices are approaching 70% completion, with five of the episode's eight scenes being totally done with the boarding stage. I considered today, as I have before, actually making the animatics of the scenes that are done being boarded right now, but nah, there's just so much else to do, I will wait until the entire episode is boarded, and edit the entire reel all at once.

Certain scenes being finished as of today means we can start boarding the Irregular Fantasy! teaser, a little "standing around and talking" scene about three minutes long meant to be a proof-of-concept to demonstrate that we have the characters of Irregular Webcomic! designed, voiced, set to music, and semi-animated, all with the blessings of the comic's creator! None of which we can prove right now because it simply isn't true, hehe, but one thing at a time.

While boarding, we're simultaneously doing a quick redesign of the characters; then once we have an animatic, I hope to get back the voice actors from the old Icewind Dale custom soundsets and some musical score, and show that to David Morgan-Mar, who gave me a tentative blessing for the project last June. If the teaser impresses him, then we'll finish it. Being a very simple and short scene, we can probably finish it in-house with the people we already have, no need to seek out producers or freelancers quite yet. After the teaser, not sure; after all this Choices boarding it's pretty clear I don't really have much idea of what I'm getting into, but it's exciting, diving into the unknown like this.

Regarding those character redesigns, ah, yeah! We've also gotten around to doing some of that, now that we're started boarding that Fantasy teaser, also redesigning the characters, I've shown you those designs before. Let's see, does this site let me look back through pictures I've already put on the blog so I can post them again? It sure does!

Okay, but before I do that, ah, let's see, the first picture in a blog post gets displayed in all the links to it, so... I wanna post something cool first. How about these:

These are the emblems of the main characters of The Choices... their former emblems, because I decided it doesn't make any sense for these characters to all have personal logos, and it'd be too difficult to draw them repeatedly if they wore complex emblems on their clothing. Despite this, these emblems are totally amazing and we'll have to implement them somewhere, I'm thinking maybe in the theme song sequence?

Anyway, back to the subject, these right here Irregular Fantasy character designs. Here they are:

Casey did these back in, eh, I wanna say September? Maybe a little earlier? So, yeah, great start! But the fact I've decided to make this a motion comic just like every other project instead of being CGI means we have to reduce the detail quite a bit; CGI characters can have a lot of detail because you only need to model them once, but in a comic or other drawn medium, you gotta draw them over and over again, so they need to be fairly simple. So I'm having Stacy do that -- taking this opportunity to not only simplify the characters but also maybe throw in a bit more accuracy to their comic designs, and also come up with a unique aesthetic, I'm thinking cheap action-adventure cartoons from the 80s.

Stacy's on that task because Casey is on another task... yeah, by some weird coincidence, all the projects we're actually launching are the ones where Casey did the visual development: The Choices, Irregular Fantasy, and Better Yet? Hopefully we'll get around to some Stacy and Naty style stuff pretty soon. But anyway, the reason Stacy is redoing the designs that Casey did initially, that'll be because now that Casey's done with the Better Yet? designs -- that's gonna be unveiled soon, it's really great -- she's on redesigning the cast of The Choices.

Yeah, these guys again, we've seen a lot of these character models over the past year. I am aiming now to create the ultimate, true, perfect versions of these characters, not only down to all the best little details from every drawing of them that's ever been done, but also defining the art style -- I want it very Disneyesque. After all the time I've neglected the Disney influence on the Keys & Kingdoms world, I might as well start by making the characters look like Disney characters. Injecting those influences back into the world and story, well, been workin' on it. Casey is brushing up a bit on that art style before she begins.

Of course, the standard Disney cast consists of two realistic-ish and very attractive romantic leads while the rest of the characters are super exaggerated and stylized... I don't really like the latter, but I managed to lift references from various places, mostly Disney films, to help nail the final designs of these characters. That makes diversity in body types a bit difficult, because again, all of the non-idealized characters in Disney are too cartoony for my tastes, but hopefully with what I've built up for designing these main characters, The Choices and the Keys & Kingdoms art style in general can develop a bit on its own so every character has the groundedness of a Disney hero, without being restricted to classically heroic body types.

Also! Just started work on TAPAS Podcast #50. That's a pretty cool milestone, so it'll start with a funny little on-camera intro, I'll be discussing four Disney films -- those released in 1998, including Mulan and A Bug's Life -- I'll be finishing the final book of The Secrets of Droon, and, er, there won't be anything remotely special about the fanfic segment of that episode, but otherwise very cool. Podcast #50, and then, only two more podcast episodes until we fire up TAPAS Phase Two!

*sigh* Why doesn't anyone read this blog? This thing has exactly two subscribers and only ever gotten one comment. I occasionally get a Facebook comment when I share a post there, but... not for the longest time.

Anyway, it's now the 29th, the day this blog post is due, so, let's see, what else is worth talking about?

Well, I'm a little bit nervous about my finances, getting started with vocational rehab took all month long, so I've got some utilities to pay... I'm gonna be okay, I'm not dead yet, if nothing's really turned around by this time next month, I'm gonna be worried, but I think I'm okay, just gotta take this release of information to the post office today and then, er, they get that, and... whatever comes next.

Ah, final note, yesterday was the third anniversary of TAPAS! We commemorated it with a very big Jackbox gaming video. Definitely haven't gotten as much done as I would have hoped in three years... Season 1 of the podcast still isn't over, The Choices has been in the storyboard stage for an entire year... ultimately no actual stories have been released, just podcasting and gaming and other little bits of art. But we're getting there... we're very, very close and I'm excited.

The Day That Krabs Fries

Yesterday, we filmed the TAPAS anniversary special -- a big Jackbox Party Pack marathon with a whole bunch of fun people! It will be released on the 28th, the third anniversary of TAPAS. Watch for Ziya's Joke Boat joke about bellhops, the biggest laugh of the evening by far... and I have to feel smug about the special's round of Push the Button. The crew were so certain that the alien impostors were Naty and Kenzie! Knowing that it was in fact Naty and myself, I ran with the crew's feelings, I had Naty and Kenzie expelled out the airlock so I could take over, sacrificing my own teammate for the alien cause, muahahahaha.

And today is March 14, which as we all know, is the day King Neptune comes to execute Mr. Krabs.

It's also the day last year when I put out the auditions for Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices scratch actors... really didn't want to get to the anniversary before those scratch actors could start seeing the fruits of their labor... indeed, I was pretty angry when the boards weren't finished by that June, relationships with the storyboard artists went pretty sour for a while. But now that we're back on track and I'm a better, gentler director to my people who most certainly do not do this for a living and have lives of their own, it seems we've missed the first deadline, which I am totally okay with, just a thing that happened.

Our next deadline? April 18, anniversary of when those auditions were closed and the scratch actors were chosen. Failing that, May 30, anniversary of when the official cast was announced. Failing that, you know, whatever, I don't wanna think about that, we're doing our best. So, gonna send a little email out to the scratch actors when I'm done here, give 'em another little update...

Lots of other stuff going on, though, as those storyboards edge closer and closer to completion. For one thing, there's Irregular Fantasy. Let's see, did I say this already? Heck if I know, nobody ever leaves comments here or anywhere else, so I very easily forget what I have and have not already said because nobody ever acknowledges or responds to any of my news. Don't really feel up to reading the backlog to find out if I've already said, so, I'm just gonna say it again.

Before that, let me reiterate something I said in the anniversary special. Jokingly, but also not. You, reading this: you might be someone who enjoys my content, you might be someone who reads my news and updates, and I'd like to be grateful, but here's the thing... you've never told me. Whoever you might be, it doesn't really help that you just read or watch or whatever it is you do. You don't comment or otherwise communicate, so I still feel incredibly lonely and isolated. Please leave a comment or send me a personal message or something. It's for my sanity. Tell me I'm not screaming into the void.

I mean, yeah, when I post on Facebook about how I went to the popcorn shop or the tea shop, it's a big hit. Gets like four times as much love as anything I post that's TAPAS-related. So I get that people love me, I'm not arguing that, I'm very grateful. But, y'all... TAPAS is who I am. When nobody is into it, I can't help but take it completely personally, because I have absolutely no sense of self outside of it. I know some people might not be into the kind of stories I create, but... I'm pretty sure I'm surrounded by people for whom the kind of stuff I'm creating is very much in their wheelhouse, I don't get it.

Anyway, back to the subject, that being, upcoming plans, for TAPAS.

Irregular Fantasy, my adaptation of Irregular Webcomic by David Morgan-Mar. Still not technically greenlit. David gave me the greenlight to try something, so, I'm hoping it knocks his socks off so I can proceed with it. Going to finish up a little teaser, accompany it with my ideas for additional promotional shorts and a pilot episode to see if David goes for it! Hoping it can be a little something released by the 20th anniversary of the comic, end of 2022. Pretty close to starting to board that little teaser, gonna record the scratch track later today, just my voice doing all the characters, and then once it's boarded, hoping to bring back the actors who played the Irregular Webcomic characters in the first-ever TAPAS project, the playthrough of Icewind Dale.

Other plans post-Choices storyboards, well, there's writing. Writing for more Choices in the future, as well as Luno Canyon, one of Naty's projects.

Lots of projects like Luno Canyon will be announced come Phase Two. When is Phase Two? Hard to say. It was supposed to be November 2019, the anniversary of Phase One (TAPAS was formally founded via Facebook in March of '18, hence the anniversary special this month, but didn't have any content until November). One podcast a week, 52 podcasts. And that went pretty well for maybe 16 weeks, had a great run, but now, well, it's been two and a quarter years and I'm working on Podcast 49, so... we're getting there! We're real close. But I won't make any promises that my current outline in which Phase Two begins sometime in mid-April will happen. The podcast has become a bit of a slog lately, and, well, I believe strongly in dividing things into phases, so I won't be implementing any of my planned improvements until we hit Phase Two and the whole thing can all be improved at once and get better uniformly, accompanied by the improved TAPAS logo and the big banner that teases at many future projects. Hmm, on that note I wonder if I can put the banner up top here on the blog, the blog doesn't really have any distinguishing marks. Needs more TAPAS.

Other ideas recently picked up? Well, Naty wants us to start listening to The Magnus Archives, so, later on, making videos where we do that and talk about it, I think should be some pretty easy and popular content. And, my mom and I are planning to read some books on cognitive behavioral therapy, and discussing the matter with each other, and I thought it might help with incentive if we put an element of public performance into it, make it a playlist of reading vlogs. Looking forward to that. For a long time, my executive dysfunction ran very deep. I couldn't open a book to save my life. So the many, many books on this subject that my mom kept giving me, quite the opposite of helpful. But that problem has resolved itself the way all my medicals problems do: by going away magically after years of suffering have led to the loss of all hope. So now I can read about techniques that might prevent this sort of thing from coming back. The fibromyalgia or whatever it was, I'm still constantly looking over my shoulder for that to mysteriously return.

Life is okay, you know? I take 30-40 minutes each day to detox from the addictive blue light of digital devices -- I listen to an album, usually do my dishes and sweeping followed by exercise, I'm thinking for today's detox I'll unclutter my desk and listen to a podcast my mom sent. I get plenty of walking and fresh air in, since being on the third floor means I have to descend some stairs every time my dog needs to go outside, so, feels more sensible to make it a walk each time instead of heading right back up the stairs. Well, at least a little bit of a walk... the old doggo has aged quite a bit just since I moved in four months ago. Can't eat crunchy kibble anymore -- I make him homemade stuff, lots of ground turkey, sometimes some beef as well, with plenty of rice and a dash of mixed vegetables, and he's far more enthusiastic about mealtimes than he was before, that's for sure -- and can't even handle a trip all the way around the block. But three or four walks to the end of the block and back each day, separated by about three hours of rest, that he can do. As for my financial situation, well, I'm working with vocational rehab. Lots of paperwork to go through, which sucks, but the actual people at the office are so kind and accomodating, I'm excited to get to work on that properly.

So I'm feeling good about life, and I'm hoping later on that everything comes up TAPAS. Thanks for joining me on this big blog post that kind of recaps everything, I'll have to make sure to somehow give it more promotion than usual, make sure people find it.

Marching Along

Okay, it's March now! A whole week into March, actually, didn't have anything to say last week. Er... I still don't, but I don't know, I like to nurture the blog, keep it living. Wish there was anyone out there helping me with that... you know... maybe the slightest indication that this blog isn't just me screaming into the void, but, can't have everything.

So... what have I been doing worth blogging about... taking it easy, mostly. You know? Agh, but it never works. No matter how low I set my goals they're still too much for me to cope with.