Priorities

The same day I posted last week's entry, I had my weekly nervous breakdown. Happens every Monday, because every Monday I find that I'm already incurably behind schedule on my weekly to-do list and it's only Monday.

The conclusion I came to is that I simply need to cut down on how much stuff I'm trying to do. Which, again, is the same conclusion I come to every week, but this time... this time, something absolutely massive has to actually change.

The plan I came up with was that apart from tasks that are meant to be weekly endeavors -- things like the podcast, the retrospectives, gaming videos, and now the new Zoom meetings -- I only work on two projects at a time. As I'm currently making strides on Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices and Irregular Fantasy, wanting the former to be finished as soon as possible because many people are expecting it, and really hoping the latter can make a big splash on the 20th anniversary of Irregular Webcomic, those'll be the two projects I stay focused on.

Two invasive thoughts prevent the breakdown from ending. If anything, it's so much worse than before.

One: I don't want any of my projects delayed. The people involved will be older, the world will be different, and I want my stories to be reflective of right here, right now. Of course, this is something I've struggled with for decades (technically, yes, decades plural, when I was ten I hoped to write and star in a big fantasy movie by the time I was not much older than ten) and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Two: Even this reduced agenda is still way too much for me to handle.

And that whole thing led to me spending forty minutes sitting motionless but exerting enormous mental effort to suppress a flood of suicidal plans and desires. That was emotionally draining. That'll definitely prevent the podcast coming out in time...

Indeed not. Spent the whole day trying to figure out how there can possibly be less on my plate. It's not going well, not well at all, I tried sorting things into, like, high-priority, medium-priority, low-priority. Put way too many things into high-priority, but, like... we'll see how that works out.

Okay: I've narrowed it all down not just to high-priority projects, but rather, individual tasks within each project that fall into the various priorities. It left me with, like... four other people who each have one high-priority task to attend to, and like twenty-one high-priority tasks for just me. Meh, I'll space them out. They'll happen eventually.

The day of writing this particular paragraph, I wanted to devote myself fully to the task of going through all of my documents and organizing them. "For a fully organized life!", as I keep telling myself. I don't know why I keep thinking things like that will only take one day; the day's nearly over and I'm almost finished organizing one document, the one about my ideas for Irregular Fantasy. Ah, well, nothing for it but to continue the task for an hour or so every day until it's done. I think this one's important enough to actually do daily, unlike the Whirlwind rewriting, which I actually haven't been attending to.

Hmm, here's another thought. I'll have to remember to tag a few people and consult them about this matter once this blog is posted. I was just talking to Naty, and she was expressing similar moodiness to my own from earlier in this post about the world always changing... it's a pain, to be sure.

She reminded me of our loose sorta-plan that I would join her in Sweden after she finishes her long road of remedial courses to get her high school diploma and starts taking college courses. She gave me an ETA: at the earliest, she can finish those courses in mid-2021. Then, college education. In Sweden, where you don't have to pay for it and probably get, like, more help.

That reminded me that maybe I've been going in the wrong direction with my own plans. I'm going to Quincy as soon as I possibly can, hopefully I'll have started house-hunting by the time this post comes out, something I intend to announce with a great big post on all my social media, with a pic of myself and my elderly doggo for sympathy points. And I'd made a couple of plans for after reaching Quincy which certainly seem to suggest that being a very permanent direction -- plans such as getting all of my possessions from my mom's house, aunt's house, and grandpa's house and gathering together everything I've ever owned into what is now my house; and getting a desktop computer, for better processing and gaming power than a laptop. Probably shouldn't do either of those things if I'm just passing through Quincy on my way to Sweden, whenever my immigration papers get processed and then, you know, Americans stop being shitheads about the pandemic and are allowed to go to other countries.

So... yeah... going to Quincy and hammering down some very deep stakes is probably not the best thing to do for my relationship right now, but I absolutely have to go to Quincy before I go to Sweden, I have promises to keep there. I cast a bunch of people in Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices. I skipped town back in 2018 before I could star in Better Yet? as I promised I would. And now I'm expected to start developing The Trivia Box. I feel bad enough that I talked a lot of talk about arriving in Quincy in late June to get all that stuff started and then failed to do so; I'd never forgive myself if I backed out of it completely.

So, Quincy is a thing that has to happen, even if temporarily. Temporarily is fine! If I just set up some stuff in person -- meeting with the guy at the recording studio with my budget and plans and then getting the voice work for the pilots and stuff, developing and producing like a first season for The Trivia Box -- then from there, maybe I can keep everything going remotely, do my writing and directing from Sweden. Wonderful things we can do from across the sea these days! Just probably a little bit awkward to get things started that way.

So, uh, to some up, the plan is "Quincy, then Sweden, then Quincy again after Naty graduates"... uh, what do you think, you reading this?

Daily Tasks: Day 20

Okay, this will be the final Daily Tasks update. I've done 20 of them, that's a nice even number, and it's Monday, which used to be the day I would update my blog normally. So, seems like a good place to stop. From now on, instead of blogging daily about what I'm up to in the TAPAS universe, I think I'll tweet daily instead. Blog posts will go back to being just a Monday thing.

Okie-dokie, I've edited the video we made yesterday... gonna post it today, why not, it's done, why would I wait until the end of the week? The first Jackbox video of the autumn 2020 season releases today.

I suppose I should mention what's going on with Keys & Kingdoms: The Choices, you know, that one was supposed to be pretty much done by now. I guess back in June, I was anticipating moving to Quincy first thing in July... but, I simply couldn't find a place, so I couldn't go there and I couldn't book the recording studio and I couldn't record the voices. Even more depressingly, at around the same time every single person who was working on the storyboards fell off the wagon. But we're back now! They're all drawing again, and I'm, well, not quite house-hunting yet. My mom's gonna help me with that. On Thursday.

Got some music and other brainstorming set up for Irregular Fantasy. Let me tell you a little bit more about what I've got going on there: well, for starters, Casey did some character designs, which I made into this fun little height chart because, I don't know, I'm whimsical I guess.

Currently, I'm having Casey do a pretty thorough redesign of Draak, I don't think her first go was quite fearsome enough. She's also doing a few minor tweaks to the equipment designs, and when I showed this height chart to David Morgan-Mar, author of the original comic, he commented that he doesn't think Lambert's face should be so quite chubby. So, I guess we'll put that on the list of little modifications to make before we get around to modeling these characters. Not that TAPAS currently has anyone with any experience whatsoever in 3D modeling or animation... but I'm looking. Technically, we have Kenzie's sister Lindsey, but she's like a real animator, doesn't have time to contribute that skill to the technically non-existent startup that is TAPAS, but she's provided some consultations about what sort of time and resources we'd need to make it happen.

You see, what I'm hoping for here is a project which, unlike most of TAPAS's animated projects, is actually animated. For most projects, I'm shooting for a fancy animatic, but that won't do here, I want this one to be in CGI. Here's our goal for this project: six musical teaser trailers, akin to the four that premiered ahead of the first volume of RWBY, that demonstrate the six characters. I want the first one to premiere on December 31, 2022, the 20th anniversary of Irregular Webcomic, and the second one a week later, the 20th anniversary of the Fantasy theme that introduced these characters. And the ideal would be for the other four to follow over the course of the following four weeks, but that's not essential, I just for sure want to make those two anniversaries.

So, I've got some guys working on the music for these trailers, just got the ball truly rolling on that front this morning. Recently, I've also come up with an idea for a pre-trailer, an incredibly short and bare-bones thing to release ASAP to basically prove that we've had these characters modeled and animated and are gonna do some stuff with 'em. I think I'll write that as soon as I'm done here.

Then there's the pilot and the future storyline. Had it once, deleted it by accident a couple months ago, went back to the drawing board recently and couldn't quite remember how all my story ideas fit together... 

What I think I'll be doing for the plot of the story is build it around the Crown of Power, an item from the background of the original Irregular Webcomic storyline. The Crown of Power used to contain ten Soul Gems, most prominently the Ruby of Dwarven Might, which drives the plot of the original run of the comic. At the end of that original run, four of the other Soul Gems are name-dropped, and I recently asked David if he could perhaps slip me the names of the other five to help me construct my adaptation. He confessed that he only had vague ideas of what the other five might be, so I think I'll turn that task over to Naty, I'd say she's the gemstone expert of the squad. We'll come up with our own lineup of the other half of the Soul Gems.

So, what else have I got going on today? Well, I think I can post a Constructing Cosmos blog post later today. I do so need to finish Podcast #44, it's a week overdue and I'm gonna need some luck and dedication to make sure it's just a week overdue. And then, uh... I suppose I should put away these clean clothes that have been lying around for days...

Daily Tasks: Day 19

Okay -- bit of a later start than I would have liked today, so let's roll. First thing on the agenda? Explain here on the blog what the agenda is.

Mom says the stuff I need her help with will happen on Thursday, so I pushed it back to then.

Today we're having our very first official Zoom meeting! I'm so nervous... okay, I have to make sure I'm showered and shaved and pretty! That's our main priority. Also gotta print myself out a little script so I can introduce the video.

Also today, got some old Choices art I want to compile into a progression; like, the five stages of the Choices character design. Then gonna, oh, try to write some fanfiction, and then see about making an official TAPAS Facebook page. I'll let you know how all of that turns out.

I'm back! We made the video and it turned out awesome. Should be edited and released by the end of the week. Fanfiction and art... yeah, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to push that back to tomorrow. Then there's the Facebook page. I think I'll do that right now.

Here it is! https://www.facebook.com/TAPASandStuff/

Daily Tasks: Day 18

Today, I felt TAPAS had returned enough for me to bring back an old tradition that had been abandoned: my weekly TAPAS Saturday check-in! All the artists have returned to storyboarding... not enough to actually have anything to show me, but they're working on it. As far as Keys & Kingdoms world-building, well, I was going to post two more 'Constructing Cosmos' blogs today, that ain't gonna happen, I don't know when I'm gonna bring that back. I'll be diving into music for Irregular Fantasy on Monday morning. And tomorrow afternoon we're playing some You Don't Know Jack, starting a new tradition of Sunday afternoon Zoom meetings for all sorts of content.

One thing I wanted to do today was re-read a blog post from a couple of months ago -- the "Fresh and Clean" post, in which I gave myself a big to-do list. Let's take a look at that list and see which bits I still need to finish:

• Vacation Photos: I did indeed post my vacation photos. Yay!
• Crown of Wizards: I did indeed power through and read Crown of Wizards, and I did indeed finish Podcast #43. Looks like Podcast #44 is gonna be a week late, maybe a little more. Still, things are happening and that's good.
• Stacy Stuff: Yup, I commented on a bunch of Stacy's videos and art, and I've been continuing to do so when she releases new stuff. Giving the gift of engagement.
• Schedule: I did restructure the TAPAS to-do list. A number of times, actually, but I think I've finally -- finally -- found a final version we can keep using going forward.
• Screenshots: The first item on the list I checked out: I am, in fact, able to take screenshots on Disney+, I don't know what gave other people trouble.
• Rob Heinsoo: I have made contact with Rob Heinsoo. Obviously, he doesn't have a whole lot of time to spare for giving his cousin's best friend's nephew in-depth game-designing lessons, but at least I have that social connection, and... nothing else to say to him, that's a problem, I don't like that, I gotta do the "better friend" thing...
• Documents: Well, obviously, this is a massive undertaken. Going through everything I've ever written, every plan I've ever had, and sorting through them for an organized life, is going to be an all-day endeavor. I think maybe I can do it on Friday.
• Playlist: I have not worked on my playlist. And I've been getting warnings for a couple of weeks that Google Music will be discontinued and to switch to YouTube Music. Haven't gotten around to it. Might be too late, might not be able to convert, might have to recreate my playlist from scratch. Which is okay, fortunately I made the decision to keep a meticulous record of my playlist.
• Doctor: Well... I haven't gone back to Wisconsin. And my doctor has given up on calling me. This one is... I guess no longer applies. The plan is now to go to Quincy and find a new doctor there.
• Podcast 43/Cast Announcement: As mentioned, I did finish podcast #43. As for the cast announcement video, well... the cast was chosen like four months ago and then the entire project fell by the wayside, so I think before I make a super-official cast announcement, I need to get back to Quincy, book the recording studio, and then double-check if the original announced cast are still available. Then announce the cast. Really can't say if the original cast maintains their interest in the project because, as I may have mentioned before, no one ever friggin' talks to me in the TAPAS Facebook group.
• Videos: I still haven't posted my vacation videos from last winter. Damn it...
• ERB: I did show my mom the last five episodes of ERB. Apparently, two more are coming this month. Yay!
• UEBS: As I said, this one was done before that to-do list before was even posted. Well, kind of. We filmed the video, I still haven't edited and posted it. Getting to it.
• House Hunting: Something my mom and I are going to start working on together later this week, along with searching for the qualifications for my career as a vet tech. Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen...
• The Mechanisms: I listened to the first album/story by the Mechanisms and I'm excited to discover more.
• Irregular Fantasy: I've done my best to recreate all the lost story data I had put together, but I just can't remember how it all fit together before. Think I'm gonna have to put a team together. At the very least, I have begun working on those promotional trailers. Gonna be makin' some music soon!
• Kingdom Butts: Hmm, have not gotten back to that, neither making the Kingdom Hearts plot summaries nor actually working on the parody story...
• Icewind Dale: Haven't gotten around to that. I at least need to play for one hour to blow the dust off, I last played the game a year ago...
• Dungeon Siege: Not gonna get back to that game until the aforementioned revitalizing of Icewind Dale. Come on, it's gotta happen eventually...
• Fanfiction: Nope, haven't gotten back to that, maybe tomorrow.
• SSKV Pilot: Nope, not gotten to it, it's on the list... most of these that aren't done yet are on the list, that's a relief at least.
• Droon Fantasy Cast: Got this video prepped, ready to finish it...
• K&K: The Choices: As mentioned above, we are back to storyboarding this pilot. I'm hoping it's done by the end of the year.
• K&K: Explore Cosmos: Well, we know what's going on there: I'm dissecting these and putting them here on the blog. I'm beginning to think the world is completely unworkable.
• Iris World and Story Arc: Gonna get to that eventually, after the SSKV pilot script. It'll be followed by an Iris pilot script, I feel like creating these two stories completely in harmony.
• Whirlwind Reboot: I spent a good portion of the second half of August working on this... and only this. I just wanted to finish my preparation before I moved on to anything else. Thought it would take me a couple of hours. After three straight weeks and finding myself less than a quarter of the way done, I decided to move on and get back to work on other things. Have not yet found the moment to go back to doing fragments of the reboot.
• Blogging: Well, this daily tasks thing has certainly been a rollercoaster! I'll stop doing it in a couple of days and go back to making blog posts on just Mondays.
• Podcasting: Did one. Next one turned out a week late, maybe more. Hate myself.
• Retrospectives: Nope, haven't gotten around to finding the rhythm for those either...
• Exercising: That's been going okay. Me and Mom walked every day. And then we didn't. I've gone on a couple of runs today. But they've been very dissatisfying, I can't go without Mom or I'll get lost, so I haven't been going very far. And Mom, well... she's always tired from work, so when she gets home, it's very difficult to coax her into helping me with any of the things I may need her help with when I'm staying with her. So any of the shopping and exercising and planning for the future I need to do, for which I need her help, hence the reason I go to her house in the first place, it gets delayed, day after day after day. Oh, and then she blames me for her lethargy and depression, saying it only happens when I'm around, figure that out.
• Meditating: Nope. Can't be done. Anyone who's ever said they've meditated is a damn liar.
• Being a Better Friend: Going horribly. It'd be going a heckton better if anyone in the TAPAS Facebook group would friggin' talk to me so I could, well, talk to them.

Well, that should do it. Right now I'm thinking... there's no way I'll ever accomplish anything, I'm completely worthless and I'll never have a real life. I'm unworkable and unfixable. I'll probably feel better in the morning. And then suicidal despair again in the afternoon, that's just the way it works.

Daily Tasks: Day 17

A'ight... things are going better. Did some experiments with Zoom and seemed to finally figure out the way to make lovely videos with it! In the process, er... well, it's fairly late at night, I'm only partway through The Three Musketeers... yeah, didn't get far in today's to-do list, spent a lot of time working on the Zoom stuff with Naty and Kenzie. And then quite a bit socializing after, that was super-nice. You know, other things are important too.

So, let's see: productivity. What was on the agenda today?

Did a load of laundry and was going to finish cataloguing all of my clothes, see what's for my wardrobe in the future and which clothing I'm sick of because I've been wearing the same outfits for ten years and needs to be donated! After that, need to schedule a time to go to the store again, for even more fresh and new clothes plus some Halloween supplies.

Then the second installment of "Constructing Cosmos". That's overdue, I was planning on doing those every two days. Then emptying out my mini tape recorder like I do every day -- I record all my little ideas I have throughout the day, then at the end of the day I play the tape back and write everything down.

Then there was finishing podcast #44... and The Little Mermaid retrospective #4... and also retrospective #5 because I fell way behind schedule. And then adding those videos to the Projects section on the website and making a few other website tweaks.

Yeah... not gonna get all of that done tonight. I guess continuation of The Little Mermaid retrospective is gonna get pushed back another week, but the podcast can probably be finished by tomorrow, and everything else, very doable tonight. And I'm very super happy that we've mastered Zoom, so I'm calling today a success. Woot woot.

Daily Tasks: Day 16

Well, today's the day. I've got Zoom Pro and YouTube Premium (for an ad-free Killer Bean experience). Going to do some experiments with making and recording meetings! Before I do that, I think I'm going to take inventory on all my clothes and stuff... I have old clothes, new clothes, clothes with holes, clothes that don't fit, so I'll get rid of all the unwanted ones and then compile everything I have, so I know what my wardrobe options are once I start appearing on camera.

Spent most of the day experimenting with Zoom. Everything went wrong and by the end of the day I was in tears, desperately needing to scream and run and hit things... I don't know why I expected anything different, that's what happens when I try anything. Why do I try?

I had so much other stuff to do... this is impossible. Life is such an awful thing. I wake up every morning thinking maybe it doesn't have to be, but I can never fool myself for very long. Existence is the worst idea ever.

Daily Tasks: Day 15

Skiddly-bop... woo! Huh... 2:50 in the afternoon again. How does this keep happening?

Well, got my headphones, got my webcam, tomorrow I'm gonna get Zoom Pro and experiment with it. Thus far, the webcam footage makes me look like Groucho, it makes my nose look super-prominent. So, I should probably shave, for starters, and then see about finding a good angle from which to film myself.

At the end of yesterday's post (or, well, this morning's, I guess, since I posted it well after midnight), I devoted the last paragraph to talking about how I made a comprehensive list of people I'd like to work with. I'd like to delve into that a little more.

The current roster listed on the TAPAS website is as follows:

• Team Salmon: Consisting of myself, Naty, Kenzie, Stacy, and Casey; Kenzie currently has no credits because nothing she's worked on is on the website anymore.
• Theatre Scene: Currently consists of the seven people who provided voice work for the Icewind Dale playthrough, plus Mason Ellison, writer/director of Better Yet?, which is no longer on the website due to its future being uncertain at the moment.
• Family Members: Consists of my two sisters and our mom. (hmm, note to self: last year my mom was planning to change her name to "Sidonie Joy" but didn't go through with it, but I've been calling her that in all the content she's been in anyway, I should probably ask her about that)
• Others: At the moment, just Brian LaGuardia, who was going to compose the music for Companions of the Dance Hall and did compose songs for the Choices pilot, both of which have been pulled from the website until they're more definitely on the way...
• Champions: A special section reserved for the Champions, people who donate $50 or more to my Patreon. It's empty, my current monthly Patreon income is $1, but I put it there anyway to maybe entice people to become Champions.

And, here's what I want to add to those categories. My goal is to have a profile on the website of everyone who's ever taken part in a TAPAS project, regardless of whether they intend to be a long-term presence.

• Team Salmon: At the maximum, there's like, six other people who qualify for being Team Salmon, it's just what I call the social group that gathered together back in 2013 where I met everyone currently in that category; most are artsy and creative types. One in particular used to be listed on the website, but wanted to back out, she had a solo career to worry about. Regardless, I'm always keeping an eye on those six people to see if there's any addition they can make to a project.
• Theatre Scene: I've divided that list into three sections: people from the Quincy theatre scene who are already TAPAS insiders, just haven't been in a project yet, because, you know, only ever made the one while I was there; then a lengthy list of contacts I've made there over my time there, then a short list of people I've seen or met around the Quincy theatre scene, but don't really know personally, but who still seem like they'd be really cool to work with.
• Family Members: Any relative of a Team Salmon member gets on this list; Naty's sister Michelle is currently back to working on the Choices storyboards, and Kenzie's sister Lindsey became a TAPAS insider just a few days ago -- can't contribute much to our projects because she's doing very well following the road to become an actual professional animator, but I at least hope she can provide some animation wisdom and guidance along the way. And then of course, I and Naty both have lots of family members I'd love to see pitch in and do something fun.
• Others: There are lots of TAPAS insiders I've picked up around the Internet who haven't made a public contribution just yet, plus a very short list of people from my life who don't fit into any of the other categories who I'd simply love to see in some of my projects, most of them people I met at massage school.
• Special Guests: A category that doesn't exist yet, reserved for people who were legitimately famous before taking part in TAPAS. I've got some ambitions: I know that YouTube critic power couple Bobsheaux and Raven Fox have an active interest in taking part, and another critic, Dominic Noble, has noncommittally expressed willingness to pitch in some voice acting if the pay and the timing are right. When it's time to make the SSKV and Iris pilot episodes, I hope to nab a few notable voice actors. So that's the short list of special guests who I'll be seeking out sometime soon; I also created a few subcategories.
• Bad Movie Veterans: Any actor who was in Birdemic or The Room. I think they'd make swell special guest stars. Yes, even Tommy Wiseau himself, there's at least one character in the TAPAS canon who I think would work great voiced by him... for that matter, maybe I could convince Tommy Wiseau to be a producer, get some of that sweet, sweet mysterious Wiseau fortune as a budget for our projects...
• MST3K: Most of the performers from Mystery Science Theatre 3000's long history are super funny and talented. I particularly love Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, who performed the robots from seasons 8 to 10; there are so many duos I've created who I think would be simply amazing if portrayed by the pair of them.
• Rooster Teeth: Made a huge list of people who work (or worked) for (or with) Rooster Teeth, a place full of a super-talented community. I love the way everybody at Rooster Teeth wears many hats; it's a feat I hope to replicate with TAPAS. And, every now and then, I hope to nab a bit of that Rooster Teeth talent to perform in a TAPAS thing.
• Team StarKid: Basically everyone who's ever performed for StarKid is on this list; they're all exceptionally talented actors whose presence probably wouldn't break the budget. Quite a few of them are on that "notable voice actors" list above, for SSKV and Iris.
• Voice Actors: A list consisting mostly of the sort of voice actors who appear in Funimation-dubbed anime and Rooster Teeth animation, as well as a small handful of bigger-budget voice actors whose work I adore, who I simply couldn't neglect.
• YouTube: People I follow on YouTube who are varying degrees of superstars on it.
• Celebrities: Allowing myself to dream really big for a moment, I made a short list of genuinely super-famous people who it would be really, really fun to meet and get into some of my work someday -- the likes of Patton Oswalt, Weird Al, Doug Jones, Joe Manganiello; people who seem really nerdy and really fun to work with. Maybe someday it'll be possible.

Also on that document, I've monitoring people who have made appearances on the channel but not really had the prominence to get profiles on the website, a list that currently consists of my cousin Kharis, who took part in the summer 2019 season of Jackbox videos as well as that week's podcast episode, and my little sister's friend Bobbi, who took part in the winter 2019 season. Just played some games, doesn't really qualify as a creative contribution, but they're on the private record just in case they ever make a giant comeback, then I can retcon them back in.

And, naturally, today I've been doing I don't even know what, I have no memory of my day, but I didn't even finish watching Nightmare, what the actual fuckity-fuck is wrong with me...?