People think I'm too hard on myself and I set my sights too high... and I honestly have no idea where everyone gets that idea, because the only thing I want from myself is to be a human instead of a sponge. And I'm not. I've always been a sponge -- I've always been perfectly content being a sponge, in all honesty; I like life best when I'm a sponge, but capitalist society won't let me just be a sponge. I'll be kicked out, left on the streets. So, I devote my days to trying to be better than a sponge.
But... I'm not. I'm not better than a sponge. I'm just... not. And every time I try to rise above that level, I end up hating myself because all the evidence indicates that I just can't do it. The only time I don't hate myself is when I don't try anything. Because trying things... it never ends well. That nasty voice in my head constantly telling me that I'm incapable of succeeding is proven more and more correct with every passing day.
Monday blues aside... tomorrow we're watching The Princess Bride, and the week after that, Little Shop of Horrors. Those two videos will probably be out before the Killer Bean Forever video we made last week, because that one's going to take a lot of audio mixing, to make sure every moment in the movie is audible, and every moment of our commentary is audible, and... I have absolutely no clue how to do that, so I've gotta find someone who does. Editing the other two videos, the videos in which we'll be cutting down the film to a highlight reel of 15 minutes or so, will be much easier for me, I imagine.
Hmm. Apparently not. We couldn't watch The Princess Bride. No one I was watching it with could actually see the film, nor could my screen-recording software. I was so sure Zoom watch parties were a thing, a thing that people actually do, with real movies... but apparently Zoom does not beat copy protection. So I guess for now, we're only watching things we can watch for free. Until we figure out how it works. Lots of people do reaction videos, and when they do it looks a heck of a lot better than when I do it, so there's got to be a way to do it and a very easy way at that, you see so many morons out there with professional-grade, well-edited reaction videos, it can't be that damn hard but I just can't figure out how it's done! You know, the same thing happened when I first started trying to record Let's Plays on my PS4; I couldn't beat copy protection. And I just don't get it! Everybody else does it.
So... one of these days we're gonna do Princess Bride, and Little Shop, and it's going to actually look and sound good, damn it -- I just need to figure out how every joker on the internet with a camera can do it while I have to break my brain figuring it out. So, that? That attempt at filming a Princess Bride reaction, just... completely wiped me out, emotionally. So awful. I'd so been looking forward to it. What is wrong with my life? Everything just goes bad like old food. I never get a phone call back from anyone, I can't draw a straight line, or record clean audio, or keep things clean, or make a paper airplane, all my life everything I do has always been just off enough to leave me... constantly frustrated.
And, hey, while you're here -- subscribing to the blog, is that a thing you can do? Down at the bottom, after the comments section, there should be a follow button; and then below that, a place to enter your email address so you can follow the blog even if you don't have an account. I have two followers at the moment, but some people have said they haven't figured out how to follow the blog. Please try to do so, and if you can't, let me know what you're seeing so I can figure out what's going on. Or maybe I never will. Because everything I do goes wrong, in ways no one can explain.
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